Gettin' Naked

My first thought when I found out that we were not, in fact, going to be having a baby in July, was how many people I had to tell. That thought was so overwhelming... and I'm so glad that many of you have gently and quietly spread the word for us.

My next thought was how much of my life I had to "put back": the maternity clothes, the baby stuff, the books and this blog. I was going to delete it, but Terri said that I shouldn't. This isn't the end of our baby journey. Just a pit stop we didn't anticipate.

So until we can start (more cautiously, I'm sure) celebrating the NEXT one... I'm going to use this to journal my feelings about this journey we're on. And I don't think it's always going to be pretty. It likely won't be what you expect. And I might say things that shock you. But this is my journey, my loss and my journal, so I'm going to "get naked" with my feelings and say what I think.

Humor is a big part of my life. I love to laugh. And I hate to cry. That balance has been out of whack since Friday, but slowly we are getting back to what feels more normal. Last night, I went to see Juno with a group of friends. I wasn't sure how the movie would make me feel, all things considered, and I was pleasantly surprised that although the entire film was about pregnancy, birth and wanting a child, it was handled with such wit and empathy and humor that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. There were moments I could identify with, and it was definitely a chick flick with teary moments, but I really laughed a lot.

I'll write more about this later, but I just want to say that I am overwhelmed by how thankful and blessed I feel right now. The outpouring of love and the friends who stepped up and dropped everything to just be there... it still makes me tear up just thinking about it. We have such wonderful people in our lives. We are so blessed.