What inspires you?

Last night, Brad spoke to our staff about speaking to mountains and using our faith and our words to change the circumstances that we face. I have to say, what he said inspired me.

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth,
if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed,
you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”
Matthew 17:20 (NLT)

I have moments when I'm really aware of what I am feeling and thinking, and those usually turn into blog posts. For the rest of the time, I go along happily in contented distraction, not really tuned into my every thought and emotion. I am often blindsided by the depth of my emotional reaction to something, which gets me thinking, which makes me realize that I've been feeling one way or another... is any of this making sense?

I wouldn't say I'm in denial, although sometimes it might be. It's more like I get wrapped up with the external and lose touch with the internal. Then something happens, sometimes almost unrelated or unremarkable, and I find myself crying. It often takes me a while to discover what it is I'm reacting to.

Anyhow, I realized last night that I've been unconsciously avoiding the whole "trying again" thing, returning to our previous "if it happens, it will happen" stance. There's something about "not really trying" that softens the disappointment. I thought it was the circumstances of our lives and schedules creating the "not trying" situation, but it was really me.

After Brad's comments last night, and several conversations Martin and I have had recently, I decided to speak to the mountain, to take positive action, to really do something in faith.



The day we found out we had lost the baby, I stopped taking my prenatal pills. I hated taking them, they made me feel sicker and if I wasn't doing it to take care of the baby, there was no point.

Ideally, you should take prenatal vitamins before conception so that your folic acid levels are high during the crucial first few weeks of development. This morning, as a very small, mustard-seed-sized step, I took my first vitamin. And I will continue to do so until God's promise to us comes to pass, again.

Thanks for continuing to pray for us.